Thinker Than Water, Vicky’s Perspective

As Gabi and I get personal this month, sharing the stories of our parents divorce’s, we hope that by being vulnerable and open we’re able to help others that are walking through this.

Unlike Gabi, I remember most aspects of my Mom and Dad’s marriage ending as I was a Senior in High School when my Dad moved out just before Christmas. Out of respect for my family, I won’t share the details. But I can share the challenges I faced personally and how I was able to heal.

In the last year of my parent’s marriage, my family as a whole was struggling and I took it upon myself to be the Peacemaker. I did whatever I could to maintain the peace between my parents, between my siblings, and every combination in between. And I truly believe it worked for a while. Honestly, I think wearing the Peacemaker hat did delayed the inevitable, thought at the time I thought my efforts were going to change the outcome of the road we as a family were going down.

As I graduated high school and went off to college, I was unaware of the baggage I was taking with me. I experienced probably the worst season of my life. Living day to day in depression, blaming me for my family becoming broken – I didn’t do a good enough job being the Peacemaker – I didn’t try hard enough – I failed.

Thankfully. that was a season that didn’t last long. Through my brokenness, God showed me his strength and his love. In time, I was able to see those thoughts of failure for what they really were: lies. The divorce my parents had was not my fault. It wasn’t my job to fix things. I didn’t fail.

I learned to release myself from that responsibility. I learned to love myself, love my parents, and love my siblings. For anyone who’s experiencing some of these things, I would urge you to let go. Really understand that your are responsible for you, your future or current spouse and children. Life is so much better with love in it. Love yourself and take the weight off your shoulders.

I love both of my parents so much and I am beyond blessed by how they managed to end up as friends. I specifically remember flying home to NY a few years ago and having my Mom pick me up from the airport and then we’d go over and have lunch with my Dad. That became the norm. I know my Mom, Dad, and brother would have lunch almost every Sunday before my Dad retired to sunny Florida.

It warms my heart to know that they learned to heal as individuals, set their differences aside, and became friends. I can’t thank them enough for putting in the effort.

So here I sit as a single female on Valentine’s Day and I’m so content with the loves I have in my life. I’m confident and happy being single, but I’m not sure that would be the case without having my family. Walking through this difficulty, is not something I would have chosen for my family, but what’s done is done. And I’ve learned so much going through it. And I’ll move forward continuing to learn from my parents’ mistakes and my mistakes.

At the end of the day though, I’m blessed.  I love my family and I love that my family loves each other. – Vicky

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